Clarity Shot #11

She was a brilliant high-achiever, recently promoted, in charge of landing a complex, never-done-before project.

She loved her job.
She had many roles in her life, at work and at home, and she spoke with passion about managing them all.
An amazing woman, successful by all counts…

"But, Andreea, I am sooo tired. I don't know how long I can go on, like this!"

I knew it all too well:

The overwhelm.
The feeling of inadequacy.
The dreadful sense that you failed at… your own life.
The invisible toll that we sometimes pay for success, unaware of it.

You see, I've been her, many times before.

I know how much courage it takes to admit that the way you've gained success no longer works.
That you're crushed by your own desire to do a good job, in all areas, while at the same time feeling guilty that it stretches you too thin.

I also know it's a turning point.
And knowing that it's a turning point turns overwhelm into curiosity.
The feeling of failure into a possibility of an opportunity ✨

Until we get there (because I specialize in #ChangeStrategy, not magic 😉), we need a few more steps.

Most times, the amazing woman in front of me, needs the most basic perspective switch there is.
The most obvious one, that she cannot see through the fog, so I spell it out:

You matter first.

Not the projects, deadlines, appointments and tasks on your list.

In order to accomplish them, you need to be well.
Confident, rested, clear-headed.

So you matter first. We start here:

You matter first - what do you need, right now, to get to a state when you're confident and able to find a better way forward?

Sounds simplistic, but it's not.

Many times, being so busy doing whatever we need to do, in our lives, we forget about ourselves.

We take care of the house, make sure that’s food on the table, ensure errands, projects, loved ones are taken care of... before we stop to ask: what do we really need right now? If we remember to ask ourselves that.

Sometimes, this question is all we need.

Other times, we avoid it at all costs... because we already know the answer and it's a tough one:

... might be about boundaries that are difficult to set after years of supporting others, that we're avoiding because we're afraid it will be confrontational and hard;

... might be a sensitive conversation with a loved one, about something that no longer works in a significant relationship;

... might be renegotiating something at work that seems un-negotiable because nobody ever tried;

... might be stepping down from commitments we can no longer sustain, and admit that we cannot do everything;

... might be forgiving ourselves about what we did / failed to do in a certain situation that's still painful and raw;

... might be picking up the phone to call someone we're missing... and being honest about why we haven't called in a long while;

... might be giving ourselves some grace instead of blaming or doubting ourselves.

✨ What would change, in your ability to make things happen, if you stopped to notice what you need, right now? ✨

What would change, in yourself, if you chose to act from the standpoint: you matter first...?