Clarity Shot #24

How do you define…
Success? 
Failure? 
Courage? 
Discipline? 
Confidence?

How does that influence your willingness to engage with each of them?
What would change, if you modified that definition? 
What would become possible?

Let me explain:

For a long time, I thought confidence was something I totally lacked…
For two decades, I was that shy girl that didn’t speak up because she thought she didn’t have something smart enough to say… or because she was worried she would upset someone else with her opinions. I was the introvert that preferred to quietly read a book instead of going out to party all night.

Confidence was just not something I thought I could experience in this lifetime…
(like I’ll never experience being tall, or wearing stilettos all day)

Until one day I realised that it wasn’t really about confidence.
It was about my definition of confidence - that was broken and working against me.

You see, I defined confidence as being able to have all the witty answers, never fumble with your words, always have some smart lines or funny jokes in the back pocket, speak up - and never ever be wrong about anything 😱

Pretty high standards, right?

No wonder I never felt like I could rise up to them! No wonder fear paralysed me.

What if, instead, I defined confidence as simply saying what’s on my mind?

Preferably fluently, but not mandatory…
Giving myself permission to stop mid-sentence, pause to look for the right words, and sometimes change my mind mid-way…
Making fun of myself if I say something that landed awkwardly, or reiterating when better ideas came out from someone else…

What if I defined success not as being brilliantly witty while speaking, but being willing to share my perspective, and see what happens…?

Without an armour, in case I’m not right, but with an open heart to others’ perspectives… because that brings more value than being right?

You see, there is no courage required to speak up, when you know you’re right… but there are tons needed, to be willing to speak your mind, knowing you might be terribly wrong. Or not knowing what the reactions / outcome will be.

But many times, we look at people who display confidence, and we pick up the wrong definition. The one that paralyses us in fear, and keeps us small, because we define success by those impossible standards that we imagine should be in place, instead of defining it just as being willing to speak.

Being willing to be wrong…

Because you can also redefine being wrong 😉
It doesn’t need to imply total doom & public shame forever.

It can also mean: the courage to try and fall short. And the courage to learn what didn’t work, and try again, knowing that you could fail again…

Getting used to being uncomfortable, and knowing it’s worth it as long as you learn from that fail. Starting over, eager to learn more, not eager to be right this time…

So this week, my question is: which definitions you need to revisit in your life, so you feel inspired, instead of stuck?

Look for qualities you think you are lacking… and instead of going in scarcity mode thinking, just reword the definition in your mind, into something that opens possibilities.

For example:

If you feel you lack discipline… could it be because you hold a rigid definition in your mind of what discipline should look like… and you don’t want to have that rigidity in real life, so it’s easier to just say you’re just not a disciplined person? 

What if you define discipline as a set of tools and habits, that help you follow your dreams?

Can you feel the shift? 
The possibility? The opportunities? ✨

So, which definition you need to rewrite? What is holding you back, which impossible expectations you could relax a bit? What becomes possible, in the space you create?

You see, I’m also rewriting a lot of things in my life, these days, so I’d really love to exchange views on what we’re rewriting & how 😊